Broken

Skin as tanned as a cigar, black hair and eyes, a kid with so much energy he would sit on the couch, bounce back and forth, and sing “Proud Mary”.  This is what my brother, Kevin, was like as a kid.Screen Shot 2016-01-08 at 6.42.38 PM

We had lots of adventures together. We played on the banks of the Mississippi river, caught bullfrogs as long as a man’s arm, rode bicycles all over Gulfport, Il,  picked blackberries among the thorns, and watched  countless hours of Looney Tunes cartoons on Saturday mornings. Oh, and best of all, we had a rickety old tree house as a get away.

But somewhere along the way, something BROKE in Kevin. I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but the fracture of his brokenness got wider with each passing year. That is what addictions do…they break people, they break relationships, they break families.

He tried a few patches here and there…

He would be able to function and seem totally normal for awhile. But then there would be seasons when the patch would give way. The depth of the brokenness then became obvious to everyone around him.

come as you areI will never forget the day Kevin came home from VBS he had attended at a little church down the road, all excited about heaven – the same church that hosted his funeral – Union Chapel Baptist.  He was probably 12 and I was 10. He kept talking about this amazing place called heaven and how he was going. He asked me, “Don’t you want to go too?”.

Yes, Kevin, I do want to go too.

Kevin’s brokenness became too much for him to bear. And now we are all left holding broken pieces. Some of us hold bigger pieces than others, but they are all sharp-edged pieces that can cut us to the bone if we continue clutching them in our hands.

But here is the good news…

God walks and works with all manner of  brokenness.  We are all broken on some level, all in need of more than just patches to make us whole.  We need The Potter’s hand to repair the cracks in our lives.

But now, O LORD, You are our Father,
We are the clay, and You our potter;
And all of us are the work of Your hand. Isaiah 64:8

The Master Potter can take our broken pieces and  create a masterpiece. But we have to open our hands and let the pieces go. The psalmist David, in midst of the most broken time of his life, said…

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. Psalm 51:17

In order for a sacrifice to be made, we have to release whatever it is we are holding on to. So let’s release any jagged pieces we are clutching so God can do only what He can do. Psalm 147:3 promises that God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

I will miss my childhood playmate and brother, Kevin Robert Seals. But I will choose to remember all the good times….before the brokenness.

Jesus invites us to come as we are…brokenness and all…to sit at His table and to taste His grace.

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15 Comments

  1. I’m in tears… You know I was always close to you girls being a girl. I remember Mike cutting my hair because he said, “I was too pretty to hide behind that hair.”. I’ll never forget that much needed confidence boost. We bugged Doug but Kevin always had a smile and never seemed to mind. I loved it at your house. I love you all. This is a beautiful memorial that I will use. Praying for God’s peace to heal your hearts.

    Pam

  2. Sorry. Phone froze. Beautiful memories of a beautiful family. Y’all welcomed us into your home and treated us just like we belonged there. Prayers going up for y’all.

    Love,
    Linda

  3. This truly touched my heart!! My heart just breaks knowing what Kevin has gone through. But knowing he is at peace now puts my heart at ease! I love y’all so much!!

  4. So beautiful, Shelly. I know you will miss Kevin. I pray for you and your family that God will help ease your sorrow. Love you very much, my dear sweet friend!

  5. Thank you Shelly for those thoughtful and powerful words. As we discussed, I can relate to what you have been through since I lost my younger brother to this same tragedy. Thanks for being a support system to me and the students and staff at my school. God bless

  6. What a beautiful way to relay “brokenness” and how universal it really is. My friend, Chris Stephenson, sent me the link to this story and I am so thankful to have reconnected with you through this blog. I will visit often. Thank you for sharing yourself, and your story, with us all!

  7. Hi Shelly..i just want to tell you what an inspiration you are to me personally and to our school. I truly admire the strength and leadership you give to all. I enjoyed reading about Kevin. Please know that this gives me strength and has changed the way that I see my brother. He is an addict of ten years. I blame him for a lot of stuff as to why our family is broken now. I know that I should not but I do…I always told my brother that I would not give up on him, but its to where I cannot be around him, because he is violent and threatening. He lives with my mother, so my kids and I cannot even visit. I hope and pray that things will get better, but at the same time I know what the outcome is. Thank you for sharing. I will continue to pray for you and your family. I look forward to seeing you next time you are in Walker County.

    1. Oh Tracy – we need to talk. So many similarities. Thanks for sharing your heart. This is the second brother I have lost through addiction and I have a nephew in rehab.

  8. Shelly, there are families all over America holding those sharp edged pieces of brokenness, afraid to let go, but knowing if they continue holding onto the brokenness, they too will, indeed, be cut to the bone. There is only one place to turn in this despair and we must let go. Your story relays this point so well and for this, I want to thank you. The pain is real but you have so effectively pointed the way. Well done, my dear friend. You have encouraged and helped so many, including me. We love you and may God continue to bless your ministry

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