SheLeads Part 3: Taming the Emotion Gremlin

Emotions are indicators, not dictators. ~ Lysa Terkeurst

I love this quote because it puts emotions in their place. Many women feel like a victim to their emotions. I fully acknowledge and recognize we tend be more prone to emotional responses due to a cocktail of hormones doing a number on our limbic system. However, a leader knows we are ultimately responsible for controlling the “emotion gremlin”.

Men struggle with their emotions too, but it looks way different on them. The general stereotype is that women are more emotionally expressive (tears, smiles, body language) while men are less expressive. When men are expressive with emotions, it tends to be aligned with dominance like anger and pride. (from Gender differences in emotional response…Psychology Press).

As we continue to examine women in leadership, this paradigm of male/female responses is challenged a bit. May I present to you a woman in scripture who kept her cool in an emotional situation – Abigail. And because she kept her cool, she diffused a potentially explosive situation.

The story of Abigail and her temperamental husband, Nabal, is found in 1 Samuel 25. I encourage you to read the whole chapter for yourself since there are far too many details to mention in this post.

First of all, we see a description of this couple in 1 Samuel 25:2-3…Abigail is beautiful and intelligent, while Nabal is rich, harsh, and evil in his dealings. What’s that old saying…opposites attract? The context of this story happens as David was still on the run from King Saul. David and his men were in the wilderness of Paran and were in need of some supplies. David sent a few of his men to Nabal asking for “whatever you have at hand”. After all, David’s men had been friendly to Nabal’s servants and helped guard his possessions as they dwelled together in the wilderness.

For whatever reason, Nabal’s emotion gremlin came out in an ugly way. He sent word back to David that there is no way he was going to supply anything to men “whose origin I do not know” (v. 11). This was a direct slam to David – surely everyone in the region knew of David. Remember how men tend to show their emotion…pride and anger and dominance.

David’s emotion gremlin rose up too. When he received the message, he was ready to draw swords and kill Nabal and any animal or person associated with him.

David was having one of those “get my sword” kind of days. <Tweet this

Now the stage is set for some massive bloodshed as David gathers 400 of his men to attack Nabal.

Enter Abigail…enter brains and beauty…enter common sense…enter a woman in control of her emotions. <Tweet this

Abigail was tipped off by one of the servants about her husband’s harsh reply. She sprung into action. Even though Abigail didn’t have a formal leadership title, she proactively took action, knowing her choices could have a huge impact on the results.

What was Abigail’s response? Well, let’s look at what she didn’t do. Abigail did not:

• Have a crying fit.
• Have an outburst of anger toward her husband or David.
• Take to facebook and say  “I wish some people would stop begging for supplies.”
• Disrespect the chosen King, David.

Instead, she gathered up some supplies and met David and his men in the wilderness. That takes some courage my friends. She dismounted her donkey and fell face down to show David appropriate honor. She basically told David some harsh facts about how stubborn her husband is and how if she had known about his request, she would have immediately complied.

Then Abigail’s leadership, intelligence, and common sense started really showing off. She reminded David of a few things.

• Abigail reminded David of who he was, verse 28, “my lord is fighting the battles of the LORD, and evil will not be found in you all your days.”

• Abigail reminded David of his sling used in the power of the Spirit to kill Goliath in v. 29, “but the lives of your enemies He will sling out as from the hollow of a sling”.

• Abigail reminded David that he will soon be King and wouldn’t want any foolish violence to be cause for regret in vv. 30-31, “And when the LORD does for my lord…and appoints you ruler over Israel, this will not cause grief or a trouble heart to my lord.”

Because Abigail retained control of the emotion gremlin, she was able to convince David to change his mind. She literally saved her family and farm! Furthermore, her circle of influence grew to include David.

 David said to Abigail: “Go up to your house in peace, See, I have listened to you and granted your request.” 1 Samuel 25:35.

Now what if Abigail had gone off on David in the wilderness? Do you think she would have gotten the same result? What if Abigail had gone off on her husband, Nabal? Who knows what the outcome might have been.

When “SheLeads” her emotions, rather than emotions leading her, God can work more effectively. Emotions can taint how we see a situation. We need clear vision in an emotional situation so we can hear God and behave accordingly.

Now don’t get me wrong ladies. I am not saying to be emotionless robots. God gave us emotions so we can feel deeply.

However, Satan would love to twist our emotions to the point that we are not effective in situations where clarity is needed. <TWEET this

Galatians 5 outlines the fruit of the Spirit. One of the fruits is self control. The ability to control our emotions is yet another step in leading ourselves. We must first win the private victory before winning the public victory (from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People).

So thank you Abigail, for being the visual aid of self control when it comes to the emotion gremlin!