SheLeads Part 2: Jewel Leads Herself

Do I really have to start with her…The P31 woman who we all kind of love to hate?

Well, not hate. But she certainly does make us feel a little “less than”, right? King Lemuel’s mother was setting the bar awful high for her son’s wife!  May I just call her Jewel for the sake of this post? After all, verse 11 tells us her worth is far above jewels (or rubies depending on your Bible translation).

Although reading about Jewel tends to give me hives, she does have some lovely characteristics. A woman who leads others must first lead herself. The Proverbs 31 woman certainly fits this description.

In my last post about women in leadership, we discussed staying within our God-given boundaries. Jewel beautifully stays within her bounds and God expanded them because she led herself with grace and dignity.

A leader, male or female, who has not mastered the art of self discipline will never be effective in leading others. It boils down to one word – trust. Can we trust ourselves to do and say the right things?

As we gaze into the portrait of the P31 lady, trust immediately appears in the picture. Verse 11 says the heart of her husband trusts in her. Verse 23 builds upon this by saying “her husband is known in the gates”. This kind of public affirmation of trust grows from the inside out.

Jewel’s self-leadership builds a trust account with those around her. How? She is very disciplined with her mouth and her work. Let’s tackle discipline of her mouth first.

“She opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26

Have you ever worked or lived with someone who didn’t have control of their tongue? Or are you that person? You never know what kind of response will come spewing forth. Some people claim they have “no filter”.  Some people are lying!

It is not scriptural to say we can’t control our tongue. A few verses backing this statement up are James 1:26, Proverbs 15:1, and Psalm 141:3.

Truth is, we choose not to have a filter. When we hear people claim, “I just can’t help it, it’s how God made me!” they are making excuses for their bad behaviors.  A person without control over the tongue will have trouble building trust with family and co-workers. If they can’t trust themselves, no one will place their trust in them. So clearly, this person could not be an effective leader.

Alright – enough about her disciplined mouth! Now onto Jewel’s work discipline.

This is the part which is personally convicting to me, especially the part about not eating of the bread of idleness in verse 27. Jewel chooses to work on meaningful projects rather than sitting on the couch watching another re-run of “King of Queens”.

Leaders like Jewel have a bigger “yes” burning inside of them driving how they spend their time. And honestly, the way we spend our time reveals our priorities to those around us. Jewel’s family was obviously part of her bigger yes.

“Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and praises her…” Proverbs 31:28

Her relationship with God was obviously a priority as well…”But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

Several verses (14-22) describe her work ethic. She is making clothes, providing for the poor, buying land, and fixing supper…Oh my, I need a nap!

Jewel spent time on the most important priorities. Because she was trustworthy with her time, her family and community placed their trust in her. Trust begins internally and then grows externally – inside out.

What if someone followed us around just for one day. By their observations, what would they say our priorities are?  Scary thought, huh? <Tweet this

I have a colleague who often asks this question to audiences he presents to: Do your behaviors match your mission?

Wow, what a question! Are the things coming from our mouths and the way we are spending our time matching up with our life’s mission, our bigger yes? Effective leaders not only talk the talk, but they walk the walk.  This, in a nutshell, is what defines integrity.

Our mouths and our time – we have control of both. And with the help  and strength of the Holy Spirit, we can prove ourselves trustworthy from the inside out.  When SheLeads herself, she can then lead others.